5 Tips to Avoid Being a Dating Abomination

So my post a couple months ago “5 signs that she likes you”  received quite a few hits, this left me thinking that maybe that’s the kind of thing I should be writing about. So this maybe the most cringy cliché thing I have ever written, but it also maybe where my time is best spent. I don’t claim to be an expert on relationships, dating, canoodling in bars ect, but I have been a teen for long enough, seen enough rom-coms and read enough trashy romance novels to be able to offer a little insight or just highlight things that really should be obvious but for some reason aren’t.

Blog Dating Disaster


I don’t pretend to speak for the whole of women kind here, not even the whole of 13-19 year old females in the UK, but I feel I can give a few little views that might help avoid some of the “disgustingly cringy, face in hands, head banging against the wall. curl up in a ball and die” moments.

Here it goes, some points I would like to raise that will help the teenage dating years go a little smoother. I would also like to point out that my perspective is a girls so these tips are mainly for the guys out there. I am an (almost) 18 years old girl from London I am fairly conservative and traditional in my views, this is what I think we want.

1) MAKE THE FIRST MOVE

I cannot stress this enough, I don’t care what century it is: You have to go first, if it’s talking to us in a bar/party/school it doesn’t matter. In the same way you should call first, add us on facebook, follow us on twitter, don’t make us go first. Be a gentleman and help us from having to embarrass to put ourselves out there. I know it seems old-fashioned and I’m sure some girls love to make the first move. Not me, no. na ah. In the same way guys should still open the door for us, they should be the ones to introduce themselves to us. You are less afraid of rejection than us, and I personally promise if you come up to me and make the first move I will be polite and friendly. I appreciate how much it takes to do so, even if I will not do it myself. Just gunna put it out there guys, we know it takes guts, so a brave gesture is never a bad way to start a relationship.

2) COMPLIMENTS NOT CRIPPLING CLICHÉS

Lets not start out with a lie here guys. Most girls love compliments and she will remember them if delivered properly. However I have sat through enough blood curdling sittings of “Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging” to feel the need to emphasis the difference between complimenting a girl and trailing off a hundred movie clichés that she can see straight through. Here is a list of good and bad lines:

One last point I would like to make on the matter of compliments is everything in moderation. One or two are nice when spread out over a period of time but when you start trailing them off one after another it just gets awkward and appears insincere.

3) KISSING 101

Okay so I have a few points to make here and this is a point where I really want to stress that I am not an expert. I am aware that members of my family read this blog, so first of all Hi guys and second of all please do not get the wrong idea about me. Observations of others, telly and minimal personal experience.

i) Don’t ask to kiss us or announce that the action is coming. I don’t know what dodgy romance shows you guys have been watching but trust me it is not good. You’ll ruin the moment, making it predictable and boring, keep some spontaneity in the room and just go for it. I’m not saying just go up to a randomer and grab her face but if you are talking to a girl and the mood seems right then go for it, if you read it wrong she will let you know but she would have done that anyway, at least this way you appear the alpha and are not asking for permission to get it on. Grow a pair and go for it, I don’t know what Made in Chelsea feat. Sandra Bullock movie you saw that move on but in the real world; it’s not working for you.

ii) This second one is one I urge you to take on board and is sort of in two parts, but I swear I’ll keep it brief. Firstly don’t assume that every girl you meet at a party is drunk enough to want to get with you, the amount of times I have been the designated sober at a party and a guy has just come up and licked my face without any introduction. NO. This is unacceptable, while I have previously stressed that guys should make the first move this is not it. Get to know her  (name at the VERY least). My second point and if it is vulgar I really do apologise, easy on the tongue. I have deflected and seen deflected enough of these ‘moves’ to know that you are going in for too much too soon.

iii) My final input on this issue is to know what you’re doing with your hands. Not in a gross way just to have them rigidly  at your sides is just too awkward to watch. By no means am I saying a good grope is what you should be up to. Waist, Back, Hips, Neck these are all same places that will make the situation far less awkward. This was a little one, but it needed to be said.

4) DON’T FREAKING LIE

Just don’t do it. It’s not needed and your ass is gunna get caught eventually. If it’s about your job, relationship status, hobbies, fidelity just tell the truth. Chances are it doesn’t matter or if it does then better to get it out early rather than later. Just want to make the point that most of aren’t that great at poker. Meaning you have a tell, a sign that you’re lying and chances are its pretty damn obvious. So just tell the truth, it may not be as impressive and flattering but it is what’s necessary. Also there is no point in lying about things to make you seem like the perfect guy because it may backfire putting a girl off because she feels she could never compare to you or that you international basketball player & Brain surgeon will get bored with her. So do us all a favor and tell the bloody truth.

5)  CHECK PLEASE 

This may be  a bit of a controversial issue and there maybe a few girls reading this pulling their hair out and screaming about the twenty-first century. I am not saying girls should expect guys to pay and certainly not every time they go out, some women may not even want to be paid for. But it is a nice gesture, on the first date if the girl is treated. GIRLS do not kick up a fuss if he doesn’t pay, it is not law or the required thing and should be appreciated if it happens but not to be expected, so bring cash with you, don’t be ‘that girl’. Now the guy shouldn’t have to pay on every date and defiantly after the relationship has formed splitting the bill or even you treating him should be the done thing. Also guys don’t make a big deal out of it, be gracious and subtle, do not go on and on. I know it may seem like a small thing but it is the little things that can make a difference.

5 signs that she likes you

This isn’t a post about helping you find true love. It’s a list of tips to help point out the fakers. I am speaking here from a female perspective (because really that’s the only one I have). Its not a sin to appreciate attention and most girls wouldn’t admit it but as much we complain  about it, we actually love male attention. I’m not talking about someone following you around worshiping the ground you walk on or kissing your feet. No just the odd passing glance or the wolf whistle from a white van. Such attention can literally make a day.

But this attention often isn’t enough for some girls. They need more, a guy who will always reply to texts, someone who will tell them they are pretty when they complain about being fat or who will go shopping with them if they send an (all too seductive) winky face at the end of a text. A lot  of girls may not realise they are doing something wrong in this, its not stringing him a long if you never make clear indications of your feelings, then it is just a simple misunderstanding.

I’m not saying I’m not guilty of this, there are people in my life I have avoided being 100% honest because I enjoy the feeling that they desire my company. However, I do feel this is incredibly unfair to guys everywhere. I have been a teenage girl for nearly 5 years and still have no idea what we’re on about. We complain constantly about guys being dishonest or confusing or indecisive; but are we any different really? So here are some hints for guys, for if you think a girl likes you but you’re not really sure, I’m not saying if she does all five she is defiantly into you but it could be helpful. Now I may be kicked out of the girl club for disclosing this information, my membership ripped up in front of my eyes and the bitching skills I have acquired over the years now wasted with no ‘sisters’ to share them with. But I feel it needs saying.

No longer should we be confused over who is flirtatious and tactile and who is hopelessly in love with us. There will always be exceptions to the rules but there will also be girls who follow the rules to the tee.

1)  Does she text you first?

Texting first is a traumatic ordeal for most girls. It is a clear indication that even in the world of snapchat and facebook chivalry is dead. It is awful to have to put yourself out there and be open to rejection. On whats app when you sit and watch as the two little ticks for read message appear and you pray for a response.  No girl wants to look desperate and show a need for your company, but if she likes you enough she will swallow her pride and hit send. It may also be the case that she doesn’t just start a conversation with “hi, how are you?” she will find something funny, or shocking or a question to lead with, trying to get you on her side from the word go.

2) How quickly does she respond?

From personal experience the speed of reply is generally reflective of how much she likes you. This isn’t to say that if she takes ages to reply she just doesn’t care. Normally, the first response will be the quickest (depending if she has her phone to hand) she wants to show you that she is there, she is available and happy to talk to you. However, after this if she is into you, she will start to mirror your response time. This all goes back to the whole not wanting to appear desperate, if it takes you five or ten minutes to reply to a message then she will leave it five or ten minutes, to  reply, she doesn’t want to appear more into the conversation than you are. She may be sitting timing it on her watch starring at the unopened message but until the time is up she isn’t going to look too keen. Alternatively if she views you as more of a friend she will probably reply instantly or when she has the chance, she is unafraid of appearing keen or similarly uninterested in your messages, she will reply when she needs something.

3) Does she talk about other guys?

Contrasting to what you may think if a girl likes you she is more likely to mention other guys in your conversations, they may not even be real, or if they are real then her friendship with them exaggerated for your benefit. She wants you to see her as highly desired, to plant the idea in your mind that other guys want her so you should to. Essentially she is trying to make you jealous. If she is really clever she will play up the name of one guy making you very aware of them, then if you ask about them she will turn it around on you. Make no mistake girls are manipulative as hell, but its because evolution has made us this way. The ancient theory of “playing hard to get” is one very much in practice in the twenty first century.

4) What is she doing when you ask what she is up to/did today?

Dating in a modern world is essentially selling yourself (not in a prostitute kind of thing) but she has to find her USP (unique selling point for those who are not avid apprentice watchers).  So if you ask us what we are up to and we want to impress you of course we are going to lie. We will never just be watching telly or refreshing our twitter feed, we are going to be flicking through our favorite Shakespeare or brushing up on our Latin, or saving an albino orphan from a fire. We have to make ourselves sound impressive. Yes its dishonest and the wrong way to go about things and we are all sinners gone to burn in hell, but it sounds an awful lot better than sitting on the sofa in a onesie watching re-runs of friends. If her response to “wuu2” is “nm” she’s not interested (also please note my attempt to be down with the lingo there. I’m so hip) .

5) Is she nice to you?

This one is an old classic. Treat em’ mean keep em’ keen. But in all its clichéd glory it rings some truth. If you’re just a friend (not a close friend, but one she would wave to in the street) then she is going to be polite, she will spare your feelings, bite her tounge  and avoid causing offence. If you’re the man of her dreams she is going to make you cry. The sarcasm fairy will come to town, remarks, snide comments, laughter at your expense will all make an appearance. But remember its only because we care. I’ll admit this can be a difficult one to read, because she may just hate you.

I hope this helped and that I’ve shared a little bit of wisdom on the eternal mystery that is females. Then again this could all just be another mind game we as a gender have worked together to create. Or I could be a liar, or a sociopath or a man. You never can tell with the internet.

I like you, I like you not.

I have ‘liked’ the same guy for longer than I care to admit. I’m not obsessive or stalkerish or anything, but I will admit I am in a better mood when our paths cross.

When my interest first developed, he was good looking and mature for our age and I felt at ease having a conversation with him because we had a lot in common. But now conversations with him panic me, on the rare occasion that he pops up in my facebook chats, my cheast tightens under the pressure of finding something to say. I find myself googling bands he references and pretending I like them by quoting odd facts from their Wikipedia page. I see his reply and wait a few minutes before replying so he doesn’t think I’m desperate. And for some reason with the pressure to be witty I turn into a rude and heartless bitch as if I think that is what is desirable.

But is it worth it? I was so bestoted before but when I think about it now I feel that maybe I just like him out of habit. We are far too similar. We both think we are more intelligent then we actually are (well I think it, he actually is). We are both a tad pretentious. I consider us both to be slightly more mature than the average of our age group. But we are both incredibly opinionated, stubborn and blunt. Not really the makings of the worlds best couple.

But despite all of this, I still make that little extra effort when I think we’ll see each other. I glance back slightly too often when I pass him on the street and as I write this I find myself what would happen if he were to read this (not that he ever would). I still find myself thinking what if…

There is the slight issue that he has never expessed the slightest bit of interest in me and I have no reason to think he ever would, but these are mere technicalities.