I like you, I like you not.

I have ‘liked’ the same guy for longer than I care to admit. I’m not obsessive or stalkerish or anything, but I will admit I am in a better mood when our paths cross.

When my interest first developed, he was good looking and mature for our age and I felt at ease having a conversation with him because we had a lot in common. But now conversations with him panic me, on the rare occasion that he pops up in my facebook chats, my cheast tightens under the pressure of finding something to say. I find myself googling bands he references and pretending I like them by quoting odd facts from their Wikipedia page. I see his reply and wait a few minutes before replying so he doesn’t think I’m desperate. And for some reason with the pressure to be witty I turn into a rude and heartless bitch as if I think that is what is desirable.

But is it worth it? I was so bestoted before but when I think about it now I feel that maybe I just like him out of habit. We are far too similar. We both think we are more intelligent then we actually are (well I think it, he actually is). We are both a tad pretentious. I consider us both to be slightly more mature than the average of our age group. But we are both incredibly opinionated, stubborn and blunt. Not really the makings of the worlds best couple.

But despite all of this, I still make that little extra effort when I think we’ll see each other. I glance back slightly too often when I pass him on the street and as I write this I find myself what would happen if he were to read this (not that he ever would). I still find myself thinking what if…

There is the slight issue that he has never expessed the slightest bit of interest in me and I have no reason to think he ever would, but these are mere technicalities.

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