It’s all relative….

I could begin this post by apologising for how long it has been since I last posted one, but I feel that is getting tiresome. So instead I have come to the conclusion that this blog will be a once in a while thing, nothing too regular. I don’t want it to be that I force topics to write about and end up prattling on about things that I don’t even really have an opinion on. So you, my oh so dedicated 22 followers will just have to learn to live with me as a guest appearance every now and then on your reader list.

This post is one I have debated writing for a really long time. It is more personal than I would usually go and for that reason will not be posting the link on my personal twitter account as I do not wish my family to read it for fear it may upset them.

 For this reason I will make a disclaimer now that if you are in anyway related to me and reading this PLEASE STOP NOW, or if like the cat you are desperately curious continue at your own risk and please do not ever tell me that you read this.  

I am going to tread carefully while writing. I think with post regarding self harm there is a huge danger of falling into the cliche category. Not to devalue anyones personal suffering, please know that that is not at all the intention of this post, quite the opposite in fact. But this is not a post referring to my current behaviour, a cry for help or a cuts for Bieber promotion. I decided not to post this a few months ago and then realised that if any one person could read this an come to the realisation that their feelings are valid then I have done a hugely worth while thing. I am not out to change the world, I don’t think I am in anyway wise or qualified in these matters. I have limited experience and incomplete knowledge of the inner working of the human mind. But if I can make life just that little bit easier for one person then I have done all I set out to do. 

I am now 18 years of age. I have never really gone through any real tragedy in my life, I live with both my parents who are still together. I have an older sister who I am really close with. I now have a secure group of friends, I am healthy, reasonably intelligent, I live in a nice house with some cats and I order online clothes more often than I should. But I wasn’t happy. At the age of 13-17 I was miserable and the worst part was I had absolutely no reason to be. Sure I didn’t have that many friends, but when looking back on my behaviour I don’t really think I deserved them. I wasn’t hugely nice. I mean I didn’t punch anyone in the face and call their mum a slag, but I also didn’t do people favours, take an interest in their lives. I think I was probably a bit superior, for no real reason but I was.

I can’t really remember when I first hurt myself. I never created great gashes in my wrists, my life was never endangered by my behaviour, but my behaviour still wasn’t right. I think the fact that my behaviour wasn’t as severe as others was part of the problem. I am hugely lucky that my scars faded and I have no real physical reminders of them now, but the mildness of my behaviour caused me to hate myself more. I saw it as weak that I couldn’t take a knife to my skin so I cut more. I remember when I was about 15, which is probably when it was at its worst, each night I would get in to bed and decide what the worst thing I had done that day was, if I had eaten to much I was “greedy” if I was snappy with people I was a “Bitch” or if I did poorly on a test I was a “failure” I would then take a pin and cut this word into my stomach. The stomach seemed a safe bet, I didn’t really go swimming or wear revealing clothing so it was a safe bet that no one would see it; it was a private punishment, a way of reminding myself of my weaknesses. I often hear when people talk about their self abuse people ask about the pain and yeah it did hurt at the time. But it would be the next day when a cut would rub on my clothing and I was reminded in its sting of the control I had over my body and myself. Thats why I did it; for control. 

Each cut would heal over in a couple of weeks, I was smart about it if I knew I was going to be sharing a room with someone or having to go swimming I would stop soon enough in advance for the cuts to heal over. This went on for years and I never got caught. Occasionally when I would get angry in public I would use my fingernails to cut into the back of my hand, these were less subtle and I got called out on it a couple of times, I used the old my cat scratched me excuse and I was never questioned. I don’t think its that people didn’t care, it was just that it never occurred to them that I would have reason to hurt myself. And if I’m honest I didn’t.

That’s what this post is about. That just because other people don’t understand your pain doesn’t make it invalid. I hate it when people say “Well people are starving in Africa” yes they are. I am not trying to equate my pain to that of those felt in worn torn countries or those who have just seen a loved one die. But just because what they are feeling is bad, should not take away from the pain you are feeling. Its sort of like saying that pain is a physical thing and that there are 100 pain coins in the world; your best friend moves to a distant country you get 2 pain coins, someones mum dies they get 20 pain coins, ohh wait there is a bus crash in america everybody hand in your pain coins so they can go to the grieving families. NO. One person feeling pain should not take away from another. Pain is relative, different people feel different things to different degrees, because we are DIFFERENT! 

The same goes for happiness, it is all relative. Have you ever given a 3 year old a shiny balloon, the adorable little smile on its face would melt many a broody girl’s heart. Now give a sixteen year old the same shiny balloon, all you are getting in return is a sarcastic glare. Different things make different people happy. Take me for example give me some pic n mix, a onesie and the frozen soundtrack and I’m a happy girl. Give a child in a impoverish country a class of clean water and a blanket and their happiness would flatten mine in a second. Happiness is relative, pain is relative. Do not try and devalue what you or anyone else is feeling simply because someone else is feeling it to.

That is where I fell down. I had no reason to be unhappy, I was not as unhappy as others and I was ashamed to feel unhappy because of this. Realising this didn’t cure my unhappiness it simply made me feel more unhappy about feeling unhappy. It truly was a vicious circle.  In the soppy romance films when the quarterback falls for the nerd and she looks up through her comically large glasses and asks why he loves her the line “you can’t help how you feel” is routinely given out. And for once in these movies they are talking sense. You can’t help how you feel, but it doesn’t only apply to love, you can be inexplicably happy or sad or panicked or cheeky. Don’t ever question the validity of your emotions.

I never told anyone how I felt or what I was doing to myself. I let it eat me up inside and consume me. My cuts weren’t as deep as ones on tumblr and my thoughts not as dark as the ones in films. I was ashamed to tell people, fearing I would seem attention seeking or selfish or ungrateful.  I spent so much time judging other people and hated myself for it I was afraid others would do the same to me. I haven’t cut myself in just under a year now. I was hugely lucky. I don’t have any scars and I have a lot of sympathy for those people who are open about their cutting behaviour. But I have a huge deal of empathy for those who do in secret. It is fine to feel upset by your actions because no one should have to go through what you’re going through. But don’t ever think that what you are going through doesn’t count. Tell someone, tell anyone you trust or think you can trust. Don’t be afraid that you will be judged, that you don’t have it bad enough to deserve these feelings. Insecurity and fear are not elite emotions. Everyone feels them at some time or another and its just about making sure that when you do, you don’t face them alone. 

I really hope that hasn’t come off braggy or preachy or cliche. It really is an issue that we should be focussed more on. It is monumentally important to help those who are open about their pain, it is just as important to look out for those who are ashamed to be.

Letter from a future Housewife

Okay so it is over 4 months since my last post. I am officially shit.But we will move on with my most sincere apologies.

The past four months for me have been pretty hectic. I turned 18 and entered into my last year of school, I’ve written endless personal statements and applied for Uni. I partied, I regretted partying, I partied some more. I’m balancing 4 a levels on top of play rehearsals and some reminants of a social life and trying to get my future in order. I got a tattoo and a piercing, I’ve met new people and am now on the home stretch to the rest of my life.

One thing that has struck me about this past few months. is how frquently I am asked what I want to do in the future. 6 months ago I wasn’t allowed to buy my own tipex and now I am being expected to make life altering decisions all by myself. I have thought a lot about my future for a couple years now and I think I pretty much have it all worked out, I have my dream.But for some reason when I’m inform people of my aspirations I am told I am wrong. My friends, family, teachers, cat all look at me with such horror and dissapointment that one could only assume I had announced my goals to me a psychotic serial killer, prostitute who works part time kicking kittens into pins.

So Here it is internet, my god awful career choice : I want to be a housewife and stay at home mum.

Never in a million years could I have imagined that my straight edge, conservative life choice would instigate such horror. I don’t understand what is so wrong with wanting to look after my husband,cook and clean, provide the best and most supportive environment for my kids to grow up in and create a traditional family environment in a twenty first century world.

Here are the responses I have recieved and my responses to them:

“But you are so much more intelligent then that” “you could do so much more”
My first issue with these statements, are that I resent the implication that a housewife, is such because of little or no other career opportunities. There are probably several other things that I could do, some of them may even be interessting and incredibly worth while, but they aren’t what I want to do.Emily Davidson didn’t throw herself in front of a horse so that every woman could grow up to be a doctor or a lawyer, she did so that women gained the right to do what they wanted with their lives, to give them the freedom of independacne of thought and to make their own dreams come true. I dream of housewifery, i don’t see that my IQ should prevent me from the same free will that everybody else has. i would also refute the “so much more” call me old fashioned but I don’t think there is anything more important than raising a child and I do feel that whenever possbile it should be treated as a full time job. I will be on the PTA, I will have a bumper sticker saying the taxi of mum, I will make sure you have a special packed lunch on your birthday. No I do not want to be a brain surgeon or an astonaught but I will do my best to raise my children so that they may choose to be.

“Do you really want to be controlled by a man”
Really the short answer is yes. I haven’t been hit with the femanism stick yet. But I will try to be more eloquent in my response. I don’t consider it control, I would look at it more like dependance with trust. I would rely on my husband for financial support, but at the same time I would consider it a two way street, I would work to make his life easier, the cooking and cleaning, talking about issues at work, looking after our family and possible pets. While from the outside it would look as if a housewife were free loading off the hard work of the husband, the support system goes both ways, if she were to leave he also would find himself in trouble.

“Did you know that 50% of marriages end in divorce”
Yes I did. But I also know that figure does not exculde, drunken mistakes, marriages at a young age, those marrying for citizenship and those marrying due to unplanned pergnancy. These kinds of marriages which are becoming increasingly more popular will drag up that divorce statisitcs for miles, couple that with the fact that more and more couples are choosing to remain lifepartners rather than ‘tie the knot’ and of course the odds aren’t in your favour. But look at the marriages that have stayed together, thought out, planned, yes there are casulties, but that risk is true if you get married with the intention to work or not. I will just have to find the right person and hope for the best. I resent the comments I get calling me niave and foolish for expecting such a relationship in the twenty first century, I could almost understand if I was saying I wanted to find a husband now at the feeble age of 18, but I’m not and I don’t consider it to much to ask that when I do find someone to marry me i expect it to be for life. I don’t see why anyone would enter into a marriage that they view to have an expiration date. I would also like to point out, that should my huband and I split, I do intend on attending university before I get married, I will work until I get married and then should I ever not be married, I will attempt to work again. Many individuals don’t seem to understand that by becoming a housewife you do not surrender your own skills and identity, you simple choose to work in a team.

“You make me sick”
I had no real responce to this one, it just made me giggle.

Call me old fashioned (please really do I would love nothing more than to be a good old 50s housewife) but I don’t understand how my jokes about dropping out of school and becoming a prostitute are met with less objection than that of my housewife aspirations. Maybe its feminism gone wild or simply that cath kidston aprons are out of fashion. So please if you were reading this thinking that I am wasting my life away aspiring to nothing more than a glorified sandwich maker, please don’t. Life is about discovering what makes you happy and finding away to make that a part of your everyday life. I enjoy looking after people, cooking, cleaning and organising. I like the feeling that my efforts have improved someone else’s day. I don’t need a uniform or a work christmas party, while an assistant would be fun and a boss to complain about would amuse me. I would rather spend my days looking after those I care about most in the world.


I have a couple of thoughts on the recent incident to dominate cyber space. For those of you that haven’t heard about what happened, A girl from Slane was recently caught on camera at the Eminem concert 3 times with 2 different guys in rather compromising positions. I’m not going to post the picture because if you really need to see it, you can find it easy enough and that’s not the purpose of this post. I’m not spreading the rumours because they’re already out there, I am simply voicing an opinion.

1) To those of you tweeting “Give #SlaneGirl a break ect….” are you dumb? If you are trying to let the story die down don’t add to the trending! Every tweet counts. By tweeting your hate of it trending, you are only helping it to trend. I know, lets just take a minute and let the irony wash over you. I’m sure you’re all upstanding people with the best of intentions. But by being these great citizens you’re only allowing the story to live on.

2) Don’t start spouting off about how she is only 16 so its our fault. If she is old enough to go out and do stupid stuff then she is old enough to get caught and deal with the consequences. I appreciate that her consequences are a lot more severe than others who have done stupid things but that’s life. Life’s unfair.

3) Her being drunk is not an excuse. I’m sorry, but I am very much of the opinion that you are just as responsible for your drunk actions as you are for your sober ones. If not more so, she made the decision to drink (even though as her supporters keep saying she “IS ONLY 16”) so she is responsible for her poor choices when she does so.

4) Shut up with your “this is what’s wrong with today’s generation” bullying existed way before the internet and yes its on a wider scale now and if your on the receiving end of it that’s harsh. But you’ve gotta take the good and the bad. Now if someone can sing and records a video in their bedroom its heard by a million people. We have thousands of people who have found fame over the internet. Internet fame has given us Jessie J, Alex Day, Jenna Marbles, that weird girl who ate a tampon in the name of JB. Yeah it sucks if you’re the person trending for a negative action but at the same time look at all the amazing opportunities the internet has given “our generation”.

5) There is a lot of animosity behind the fact that #slaneboy isn’t trending. I admit that its unfair and sexist and all that melarchy. But why are you surprised? There have always been different rules and regulations for guys and that’s just the way it is. The same way we still expect guys to pay on dates and we get doors opened for us in corridors. No it’s not fair but that’s the way it goes. Also I think part of it’s the fact that it was two guys, that’s not great.

6) Little Smile to all of you using Eminem lyrics in your tweets about her. I appreciate the creativity involved. It’s nice that even in perverted situations of young girls making mistakes that get caught on camera and end up going viral online, we can have fun with puns.

7) You aren’t perfect. I agree with freedom of speech and while I personally don’t see it as right you can say what you want about her on twitter. But just think back at your life, I am willing to bet there are moments you aren’t proud of (maybe not as bad, but still not great) that maybe wouldn’t look great if caught on camera. This will probably all die down on the web by next week, but this girl won’t forget it.

So my final thoughts on the issue. What she did was stupid and gross, she is responsible for her actions and has probably learnt her lesson ten times over. But youse on the internet are also responsible for your actions. And if you’re trying to help her, the best thing to do is shut up about it as soon as it leaves the trending topics  it’s forgotten, so don’t prolong things.

5 Tips to Avoid Being a Dating Abomination

So my post a couple months ago “5 signs that she likes you”  received quite a few hits, this left me thinking that maybe that’s the kind of thing I should be writing about. So this maybe the most cringy cliché thing I have ever written, but it also maybe where my time is best spent. I don’t claim to be an expert on relationships, dating, canoodling in bars ect, but I have been a teen for long enough, seen enough rom-coms and read enough trashy romance novels to be able to offer a little insight or just highlight things that really should be obvious but for some reason aren’t.

Blog Dating Disaster

I don’t pretend to speak for the whole of women kind here, not even the whole of 13-19 year old females in the UK, but I feel I can give a few little views that might help avoid some of the “disgustingly cringy, face in hands, head banging against the wall. curl up in a ball and die” moments.

Here it goes, some points I would like to raise that will help the teenage dating years go a little smoother. I would also like to point out that my perspective is a girls so these tips are mainly for the guys out there. I am an (almost) 18 years old girl from London I am fairly conservative and traditional in my views, this is what I think we want.


I cannot stress this enough, I don’t care what century it is: You have to go first, if it’s talking to us in a bar/party/school it doesn’t matter. In the same way you should call first, add us on facebook, follow us on twitter, don’t make us go first. Be a gentleman and help us from having to embarrass to put ourselves out there. I know it seems old-fashioned and I’m sure some girls love to make the first move. Not me, no. na ah. In the same way guys should still open the door for us, they should be the ones to introduce themselves to us. You are less afraid of rejection than us, and I personally promise if you come up to me and make the first move I will be polite and friendly. I appreciate how much it takes to do so, even if I will not do it myself. Just gunna put it out there guys, we know it takes guts, so a brave gesture is never a bad way to start a relationship.


Lets not start out with a lie here guys. Most girls love compliments and she will remember them if delivered properly. However I have sat through enough blood curdling sittings of “Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging” to feel the need to emphasis the difference between complimenting a girl and trailing off a hundred movie clichés that she can see straight through. Here is a list of good and bad lines:

One last point I would like to make on the matter of compliments is everything in moderation. One or two are nice when spread out over a period of time but when you start trailing them off one after another it just gets awkward and appears insincere.

3) KISSING 101

Okay so I have a few points to make here and this is a point where I really want to stress that I am not an expert. I am aware that members of my family read this blog, so first of all Hi guys and second of all please do not get the wrong idea about me. Observations of others, telly and minimal personal experience.

i) Don’t ask to kiss us or announce that the action is coming. I don’t know what dodgy romance shows you guys have been watching but trust me it is not good. You’ll ruin the moment, making it predictable and boring, keep some spontaneity in the room and just go for it. I’m not saying just go up to a randomer and grab her face but if you are talking to a girl and the mood seems right then go for it, if you read it wrong she will let you know but she would have done that anyway, at least this way you appear the alpha and are not asking for permission to get it on. Grow a pair and go for it, I don’t know what Made in Chelsea feat. Sandra Bullock movie you saw that move on but in the real world; it’s not working for you.

ii) This second one is one I urge you to take on board and is sort of in two parts, but I swear I’ll keep it brief. Firstly don’t assume that every girl you meet at a party is drunk enough to want to get with you, the amount of times I have been the designated sober at a party and a guy has just come up and licked my face without any introduction. NO. This is unacceptable, while I have previously stressed that guys should make the first move this is not it. Get to know her  (name at the VERY least). My second point and if it is vulgar I really do apologise, easy on the tongue. I have deflected and seen deflected enough of these ‘moves’ to know that you are going in for too much too soon.

iii) My final input on this issue is to know what you’re doing with your hands. Not in a gross way just to have them rigidly  at your sides is just too awkward to watch. By no means am I saying a good grope is what you should be up to. Waist, Back, Hips, Neck these are all same places that will make the situation far less awkward. This was a little one, but it needed to be said.


Just don’t do it. It’s not needed and your ass is gunna get caught eventually. If it’s about your job, relationship status, hobbies, fidelity just tell the truth. Chances are it doesn’t matter or if it does then better to get it out early rather than later. Just want to make the point that most of aren’t that great at poker. Meaning you have a tell, a sign that you’re lying and chances are its pretty damn obvious. So just tell the truth, it may not be as impressive and flattering but it is what’s necessary. Also there is no point in lying about things to make you seem like the perfect guy because it may backfire putting a girl off because she feels she could never compare to you or that you international basketball player & Brain surgeon will get bored with her. So do us all a favor and tell the bloody truth.


This may be  a bit of a controversial issue and there maybe a few girls reading this pulling their hair out and screaming about the twenty-first century. I am not saying girls should expect guys to pay and certainly not every time they go out, some women may not even want to be paid for. But it is a nice gesture, on the first date if the girl is treated. GIRLS do not kick up a fuss if he doesn’t pay, it is not law or the required thing and should be appreciated if it happens but not to be expected, so bring cash with you, don’t be ‘that girl’. Now the guy shouldn’t have to pay on every date and defiantly after the relationship has formed splitting the bill or even you treating him should be the done thing. Also guys don’t make a big deal out of it, be gracious and subtle, do not go on and on. I know it may seem like a small thing but it is the little things that can make a difference.



Dfn: Is the theory or conceptual idea that if an individual is wearing a bow in their hair they cannot be in a bad mood.

Creator: Catty Clare O’Connor

Date of Creation: September 2012

Any of you who follow me on twitter, or in life (by which I mean we know each other, not that you follow me down the street) will no doubt have heard me referring to Bow Theory at one point or another. However, although I like to think so I appreciate that Bow theory probably isn’t the household phrase I consider it to be. So this post is part of my efforts to make it so. I do acknowledge that my post to less than 20 followers, probably won’t make Bow theory a global phenomenon, it will clear up matters for several of my family members who consider me to be less than stable, thinking I believe my bows to have magical powers. I will begin by stating that there is absolutely no scientific evidence to support this theory, however I do maintain that there is some truth to it. I also feel that this belief may be spreading. Bow Theory began at the start of the school year, just turning 17 it was of course time for me to leave my mark on the world and it transpired that my mark would be bow-shaped. Although I did not set out to begin a new way of life, I like to think that that is what I’ve done. While I wouldn’t claim to have any influence in the world of fashion, I would just like to acknowledge that I began wearing bows in September 2012 and by January 2013 bows flooded that catwalk of London fashion week. I’m just saying.

I understand that it maybe seen as silly and juvenile to place importance and value to a hair accessory, but I can honestly say that it helps. When I am trekking to the bus stop at 7am in for a long day of geography and maths it gives me great satisfaction to think of the bow on my head bobbing along behind me. It is the little things in life that help get us  through the day. And thus Bow Theory was born.


I began to spread my ideals throughout my everyday life, I even mentioned Bow theory  in my speech for Head Girl (Probably a significant reason that I lost the election; people thought I was a nutter.) My twitter was covered in tweets about #Bowtheory and In my group of friends we even invented a campaign about my running for Bowpe (Leader of the Bow people). I then began to think about really spreading. Bow theory, to make it something more people could enjoy and feel a part of. This is when I started to make my own bows. The pattern was simple enough to come up with and I have a million and twelve different fabrics in my room as a result of both my grandmothers adversity to throwing things away.

So I began to sell Bows to my friends at school, I sell them for just a pound and give all the profits to charity. A lot of people have asked me why I don’tcharge more or keep the money for myself, my response is that if I needed the money for anything I probably would keep it, but I don’t really, I’m not saving for anything and I have nowhere to go so I would rather it went to a really worth while cause (HCPT) where I know it may make a difference. As for why I don’t charge more; any money to charity makes a difference, I am making these bows not to become rich but to spread bow theory, something I  think can really make an impact on a persons day.

I don’t have any unrealistic expectations for #bowtheory , it will never be a trending topic, or even spread further than my circle of friends, but I like to think of it as a way of giving back a little. It gives me something to do and for a good cause, it is my way of spreading a little bit of happiness.

5 signs that she likes you

This isn’t a post about helping you find true love. It’s a list of tips to help point out the fakers. I am speaking here from a female perspective (because really that’s the only one I have). Its not a sin to appreciate attention and most girls wouldn’t admit it but as much we complain  about it, we actually love male attention. I’m not talking about someone following you around worshiping the ground you walk on or kissing your feet. No just the odd passing glance or the wolf whistle from a white van. Such attention can literally make a day.

But this attention often isn’t enough for some girls. They need more, a guy who will always reply to texts, someone who will tell them they are pretty when they complain about being fat or who will go shopping with them if they send an (all too seductive) winky face at the end of a text. A lot  of girls may not realise they are doing something wrong in this, its not stringing him a long if you never make clear indications of your feelings, then it is just a simple misunderstanding.

I’m not saying I’m not guilty of this, there are people in my life I have avoided being 100% honest because I enjoy the feeling that they desire my company. However, I do feel this is incredibly unfair to guys everywhere. I have been a teenage girl for nearly 5 years and still have no idea what we’re on about. We complain constantly about guys being dishonest or confusing or indecisive; but are we any different really? So here are some hints for guys, for if you think a girl likes you but you’re not really sure, I’m not saying if she does all five she is defiantly into you but it could be helpful. Now I may be kicked out of the girl club for disclosing this information, my membership ripped up in front of my eyes and the bitching skills I have acquired over the years now wasted with no ‘sisters’ to share them with. But I feel it needs saying.

No longer should we be confused over who is flirtatious and tactile and who is hopelessly in love with us. There will always be exceptions to the rules but there will also be girls who follow the rules to the tee.

1)  Does she text you first?

Texting first is a traumatic ordeal for most girls. It is a clear indication that even in the world of snapchat and facebook chivalry is dead. It is awful to have to put yourself out there and be open to rejection. On whats app when you sit and watch as the two little ticks for read message appear and you pray for a response.  No girl wants to look desperate and show a need for your company, but if she likes you enough she will swallow her pride and hit send. It may also be the case that she doesn’t just start a conversation with “hi, how are you?” she will find something funny, or shocking or a question to lead with, trying to get you on her side from the word go.

2) How quickly does she respond?

From personal experience the speed of reply is generally reflective of how much she likes you. This isn’t to say that if she takes ages to reply she just doesn’t care. Normally, the first response will be the quickest (depending if she has her phone to hand) she wants to show you that she is there, she is available and happy to talk to you. However, after this if she is into you, she will start to mirror your response time. This all goes back to the whole not wanting to appear desperate, if it takes you five or ten minutes to reply to a message then she will leave it five or ten minutes, to  reply, she doesn’t want to appear more into the conversation than you are. She may be sitting timing it on her watch starring at the unopened message but until the time is up she isn’t going to look too keen. Alternatively if she views you as more of a friend she will probably reply instantly or when she has the chance, she is unafraid of appearing keen or similarly uninterested in your messages, she will reply when she needs something.

3) Does she talk about other guys?

Contrasting to what you may think if a girl likes you she is more likely to mention other guys in your conversations, they may not even be real, or if they are real then her friendship with them exaggerated for your benefit. She wants you to see her as highly desired, to plant the idea in your mind that other guys want her so you should to. Essentially she is trying to make you jealous. If she is really clever she will play up the name of one guy making you very aware of them, then if you ask about them she will turn it around on you. Make no mistake girls are manipulative as hell, but its because evolution has made us this way. The ancient theory of “playing hard to get” is one very much in practice in the twenty first century.

4) What is she doing when you ask what she is up to/did today?

Dating in a modern world is essentially selling yourself (not in a prostitute kind of thing) but she has to find her USP (unique selling point for those who are not avid apprentice watchers).  So if you ask us what we are up to and we want to impress you of course we are going to lie. We will never just be watching telly or refreshing our twitter feed, we are going to be flicking through our favorite Shakespeare or brushing up on our Latin, or saving an albino orphan from a fire. We have to make ourselves sound impressive. Yes its dishonest and the wrong way to go about things and we are all sinners gone to burn in hell, but it sounds an awful lot better than sitting on the sofa in a onesie watching re-runs of friends. If her response to “wuu2” is “nm” she’s not interested (also please note my attempt to be down with the lingo there. I’m so hip) .

5) Is she nice to you?

This one is an old classic. Treat em’ mean keep em’ keen. But in all its clichéd glory it rings some truth. If you’re just a friend (not a close friend, but one she would wave to in the street) then she is going to be polite, she will spare your feelings, bite her tounge  and avoid causing offence. If you’re the man of her dreams she is going to make you cry. The sarcasm fairy will come to town, remarks, snide comments, laughter at your expense will all make an appearance. But remember its only because we care. I’ll admit this can be a difficult one to read, because she may just hate you.

I hope this helped and that I’ve shared a little bit of wisdom on the eternal mystery that is females. Then again this could all just be another mind game we as a gender have worked together to create. Or I could be a liar, or a sociopath or a man. You never can tell with the internet.

A night you won’t remember

I am a fairly controlling person. I have mentioned before my desire for routine, I would never go so far as to I have OCD but I will not deny that I like things done a certain way. For this reason I find it so difficult to understand peoples desire to get ‘Off their face’ ‘trollied’ ‘wasted’ ‘smashed’ ‘fucked’ drunk. For me the sensation is completely undesirable. To get to the point when even your own body is out of your control makes me feel physically ill. This post is not written to make you feel bad for having a drink, more to question your intentions for drinking and ask about your behavior when you have had that one or four drinks to many.

I am partial to a Lambrusco on a hot day, a Pina Colada in the summer or glass of champagne to celebrate; I enjoy the taste and it can make an occasion feel more special. There is nothing wrong a glass of wine with dinner or a sneaky pint down the pub after work (hey I’m Irish I am in no way snubbing alcohol) but what I question is people who drink because they feel they can’t have fun without it, or because the day doesn’t feel complete without reaching the end of a bottle. I am not bad mouthing alcoholics either because I understand that is a disease in the same way that smoking or anorexia can compel a person. I just don’t understand. It is expensive, unhealthy, fattening and in so many cases anti social. So why when you have the will to stop, don’t you?


At the feeble age of 17 I am aware of my ignorance on the matter, but then I also have the perspective that many older social scientists do not. I go to parties and gatherings with people my age (admittedly not a lot) and witness their attitudes towards alcohol. I don’t drink a lot at parties, mainly because I am too conscious of my actions if I did, I also don’t like the vulnerability that you allow yourself when you drink too much. I have been the person to call cabs, hold back hair, pull total strangers off my friends and wake them up in the night to make sure they don’t have concussion too many times to want to put someone else in that position.

I am gunna have a go at both guys and girls here, for the same reason but on different sides of the fence. So as always ladies first:

Why put your self in that position. Only 6.5% of those charged with rape are convicted, and that statistic is mainly linked with the excuse ‘it wasn’t rape if she was drunk’ if you get to the point where your own word in court means nothing because you were off your face on WKD and Skittles vodka, then you need to seriously re-evaluate. So much of this is caused by feminism, that women should drink as much as men just because they can.Well I have news for you, you can’t so stop trying. Not only will he out drink you, but you become an easy target when you try to out alcohol him. Just be smart about things, if you’re in a group of people you know and trust yeah let your hair down, but if you’re out with people you don’t really know in a place you don’t really trust, then slow it down on the fish bowl. If I’m honest I don’t really understand the need to gets oneself to the point of comatose, but if you insist on doing so at least be smart about and understand that you are having a great time, but the designated sober is probably tired of chasing your drunken arse around and pissed off at your vomit on her shoes.

Guys its your turn and don’t think that just because I am slightly less adverse to your drinking doesn’t mean you’re getting off easy. I suppose that it is because in social situations I have experienced far less boys or men vomiting in the streets or having to be carried home, that isn’t to say that there are none, or even that I have been seeing a fair sample size because after watching sun, sex and suspicious parents I am well aware of males capability to get hammered and pass out in an ant’s nest (okay so that may have been the inbetweeners movie but it still counts). My point is that on a whole, guys are better at taking care of themselves when drunk than some girls. But they are the one that can be the sober idiots. I have lost count of the number of times I have been sat next to a guy when  a tipsy girl with a bottle of £3 wine under her arm and he’s gone ‘she looks like she will be fun later’ and yeah, she probably would be, if you like the taste of vomit and girls who nod off half way through, but my main point here is don’t be  a dick. If she is at that point, then put her in a cab and send her home, don’t take advantage. Yeah she shouldn’t have put herself in that situation in the first place, but this is your opportunity to be a good human being and a gentleman and send the drunken bitch to bed ALONE. Take this advice, if she wouldn’t sleep with you sober, then don’t push her when drunk. There is a fine line between persistence and force. I know by saying this I am probably cutting the number of guys getting laid by around 50% by you know who listens to me anyway.

I’m not saying that every guy is a rapist, or that every girl a victim.I am just trying to raise the point that people need to be more careful. Aside from these dangers, there is alcohol poisoning, drunk driving, concussion, chocking on your  own vomit. All these glamorous consequences, all for a night you won’t remember.

Just ask yourself, was it worth it?

Recessively Dominant

There are a lot of things we look for in friendship. We want someone we can relax around, who we can have fun with and we feel is trustworthy. But its difficult to see how our friendships mould us in to the perfect companion.

This post is very conceptual and maybe completely incorrect, but it is based on an observation I have made on several occasions both about myself and others. Maybe it has been made a million times or maybe I am making a sociological breakthrough, but for the purpose of this post I am going to write on the basis that I am making a entirely new observation. Apologies if this is the millionth and first time you will hear this.

Friendships work on the basis of opposites attract, I don’t mean that you can have nothing in common with your friends, but there are certain personality traits that lend themselves to occurring only once in a successful relationship. Here  I am focussing particularly on being shy, or outspoken. Talking or being spoken to, leading or following. For all intensive purposes the Dominant and the Recessive.

Allow me to talk GCSE biology for  a moment. All genes are either recessive or dominant, If two recessives occur in the same genotype then the recessive gene is the one that will occur. In terms of friendships, this is doomed, you need someone to step forward and be the brighter character, as horrible as it may sound to you and maybe I am not wording it correctly, there has to be a dominant friend. The same result will occur if two larger than life Dominants appear together, they will destroy each other in the fight for the lime light. So the recipe (mixed metaphor check me out) for a perfect friendship is a little bit of both.

This is not to say that two dominants cannot be friends, just that during their time together one of them will assume that alpha role and the other that of the beta. I also do not mean that you cannot at some point in time be both the dominant and the recessive person. It is all about adapting to your environment. Assessing a situation, deciding what is required of you and acting accordingly. I myself am a fairly quite person, I prefer to listen to a person and form my own opinions of them quietly never voicing them unnecessarily. I avoid conflict and enjoy pleasing people, I by nature am a recessive. However, I have recently found myself playing the part of a dominant. Taking the role of the leader and playing up to make my company feel at ease, if I’m honest I don’t know if I like this side of myself all that much, the false representation of confidence and optimism leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, but I do so because It is what is required to make a friendship work.

It is not only in myself that I have noticed it, it is everywhere, the shyness we put on around those larger than life characters as it is easier to concede than to fight a losing battle for the leading role. In the same way we have all made the effort to speak a little louder and make a couple more jokes when with those crippled with nerves because it is through this that we make them feel at ease. Have you ever heard someone say, ‘Ohh they are really chatty around me’ or ‘I just can’t seem to hold a conversation with them’. Very few of us are straight forward, we all have the ability to fill the role required, some are just more willing than others to play the part.

Old habits die hard.

I’ve gotten blog lazy. Shame on me. A slap on the back of the hand and a stern talking to are in order. The reason I am so annoyed is because this is so typical of myself.

I get attached to something and never see it through. In the last 4 years I have had a blogger, 2 wordpress blogs, tumbler, 2 twitters, a facebook and a live journal ohh and a youtube page. ENOUGH! I swore to myself that this time it would be different and that I would be strict with myself, but alas it has been two weeks since my last post. It is nice to see however, that even though I have not linked anyone to my page in around 20 days, there has still been a couple of people viewing it

I get excited about new projects, friendships and challenges very easily but have very little follow through. I can sort of play the piano, know phrases of German, have a mostly tidy bedroom and am armature on the guitar. I need someone to give me that push, to pester me to continue with things even when they become less of a novelty.

So I apologise to you dear reader, for abandoning my post (haha post, blog word play)  and treating you as I have done most things in my life. If anything positive can be said of this it is that I am consistent.

But no more. I will try my upmost to remain attentive here. To take pride in what I am writing and hope that people will continue to read it.

The Bald Dilemma.

I haven’t posted anything propper in a while, but in the process of writing something. For now I am just going to leave you with a thought I had during a conversation with a friend this week.

We all have bad hair days and moments when you wish that you could shave your hair off so it wouldn’t get in the way. I have this thought a lot because logistically it makes sense. If you shave your head bald its gunna be shocking for like a week and then people will get over it. But people are going to notice everytime you have a bad hair day or it looks a bit greasy. There will be many bad hair days each as bad as the next. But you will never have a bad bald day. 

Leaving you with the eternal question.  To shave or not to shave.